Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
