yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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