I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
