3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
