I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
