So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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