Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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