dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
