I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
