So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize