Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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