..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
