Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
smell my finger.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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