Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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