when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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