biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
