Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize