Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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