Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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