who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who died my cat blue again?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
