You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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