Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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