LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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