You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
