And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
