Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
farters have to be the big spoon...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
