Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
