I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
