I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
