You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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