google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you had me at cake vodka
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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