whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You made out with two different species that night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
