I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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