We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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