i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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