Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
