youre lurking in front of me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
