who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
