What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
