winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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