I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
