she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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