he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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