The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
