Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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