the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
