i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
