Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
