You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
there is glitter all over my balls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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