It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
