GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
