Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Are we still banned from the library?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
