i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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