if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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