can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
handjob tips. give me some.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
