And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
