Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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