im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
