My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize