my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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