me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
