oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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