He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
