I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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