i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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