after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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