Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
