mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
