it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
