All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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