Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My feet surprised me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize