seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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