Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
