so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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