Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
well you can't waste a boner
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize